


Having in Heaven

by silver_foxglove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fix-It, Heaven, Love Confessions, M/M, Series Finale, supernatural 15x20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:47:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27725704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_foxglove/pseuds/silver_foxglove
Summary: Set directly after Dean's arrival in Heaven. Following his exchange with Bobby, he goes to drive around Heaven with Baby, thinking about what Heaven means to him and most importantly thinking about the fact that Cas is alive and well. Thinking that he never got to answer him before he got snatched by the Empty. Wondering about what he'll do next.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 77





	Having in Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> This is my FIRST fanfic guys... also English is not my first language so bear with me! I was devastated when I realised we weren't going to get our Destiel reunion in the finale, so I decided to write my own.  
> I decided to keep the first half of the fic as close to the finale as possible while adding some details, then I derived from it to get the destiel ending we all deserved and wanted.  
> I sincerely hope you will like it, please leave a comment as it's my first fic, it's kind of a big deal for me! I don't know if I'll write other chapters for this story yet.  
> Enjoy the read.

Dean was standing in a clearing, birds singing around him, green hills in the distance. He thought to himself “well, at least I made it to Heaven…”. He thought about it for a second and was surprised to see that he was peaceful with the idea of being dead. He should have been pissed, surely. He died when he thought he was starting a new life. Free at last. And he died on a fucking nail. Yet somehow, he was…peaceful. Maybe it was an effect of Heaven on him. Still him, but less angry and conflicted.

“Yep” said a familiar voice next to him. And he realised he said his thoughts aloud.

He had not seen Bobby, sitting on a porch. Was it the Roadhouse? Bobby?! What memory was it? He couldn’t remember the place or time.

“What memory is this?” He asked, looking around him, confused.

“It ain’t you idjit” Bobby said, laughing.

“Yeah it is” Dean answered, still denying what was in front of him. “Cause the last I heard…you…you’re in heaven’s lockup” He continued, taking a step forward.

“I was. Now I’m not.” Bobby simply answered, looking at Dean from his chair.

“That kid of yours, ‘fore he went…wherever, made some changes here. Busted my ass out.”

Dean was still confused, but started to understand what was happening. Could it be true? It sure sounded like what Jack would do. He sat down next to Bobby, wanting to hear more.

“And then he, well he… set some things right.” Bobby said, looking at Dean. “Tore down all the walls up here…”.

Dean looked around, as if to check if there were still walls or not.

“Heaven ain’t just reliving your golden oldies anymore, it’s what it always should have been” Bobby continued, looking peacefully in the distance. “Everyone happy, everyone together.”

Everyone? Dean thought. _Everyone?_

“Rufus lives about five miles that way” Bobby said, waving his hand in the general direction. “With…Aretha”

What, really, Aretha? Dean thought.

“Thought she’d had better taste” Bobby added, as if reading his mind.

“And your mom and dad…” Bobby continued... He could see Dean’s face changing, beginning to get hopeful. “They got a place over yonder” he told him, still waving in the distance. It was starting to really hit Dean that he was in fact in a new and improved Heaven.

“It ain’t just Heaven, Dean.” he said, looking fondly at Dean like a father would. “It’s the Heaven you deserve.”

Dean heard him but couldn’t process it. Maybe it was Heaven…but why didn’t he _feel_ like it was?

“And we’ve been waiting for you.” Bobby said.

We? Who’s we? Dean’s mind raced, _could it be_? Could it? Could _he_ be here? But he let none of his thoughts transpire, as usual. He stayed still on his chair while Bobby handed him a beer out of a cooler. He took it, reflexively. Without thinking, he didn’t know what to think. He needed to know more.

“So, Jack did all that?” He finally said, looking around.

“Well…” Bobby said taking a breath “ _Cas_ helped.”

And there it was. The feeling that he was indeed in Heaven. Dean was speechless and Bobby looked at him knowingly, drinking his beer, letting Dean process it. And Dean _smiled._ He smiled of happiness and relief. He wasn’t dead. The thoughts were rushing in Dean’s mind, he couldn’t set his mind on one that another one had already popped. Bobby kept talking.

“It’s a big new world out there. You’ll see”

And Dean was starting to realise that maybe he could finally get a little peace here. He took a sip of his first beer in Heaven. And...

“Oh, wow…” looking in awe at the bottle. “This tastes like the first drink I ever shared with my dad” he said, smiling a little.

“Quality stuff?” Bobby said, snorting.

“No, it’s crap.” Dean answered. “But it was fantastic”.

“Just like this.” Bobby continued. Taking the moment in.

But Dean suddenly thought about Sam. Who was alone on Earth. Was there Eileen with him?

“It’s _almost_ perfect” he said, thinking of his brother.

“He’ll be along.” Bobby said, understanding Dean. “Time up here it’s…it’s different.” he continued. “You got everything you could ever want, or need, or dream…” Bobby explained. “So, I guess the question is: what’re you gonna do now, Dean?” He asked.

And Dean really didn’t know what he was going to do. He usually did his thinking driving baby around, he thought. And not a second after he thought about it, there she was… beautiful as ever. Like the first day he drove her after his dad gave her to him, all those years ago.

“I think I’ll go for a drive” He simply said to Bobby.

“Have fun.” Bobby said, relaxing in his chair.

Dean got up and walked over to the Impala, smiling.

“Hey, baby” he said to his old friend as he turned the contact on.

And as he was driving, his thoughts started to settle. Now he could go see his parents. He could see his mom again, he would have to explain about Jack of course, that he forgave him and that she should too. But he thought that she already did. Jack surely had gone and see Mary personally to ask for her forgiveness. She wasn’t like him that way, she was more understanding. He’ll also have to explain why he was here, so soon. Maybe his parents would be sad for a moment, but he could wait with them, for Sam. When the time would come.

He didn’t know what to say, where to go, what to do with his eternal life in Heaven. He felt there was still things he left unresolved on Earth. He felt lost. He couldn’t see his parents now, he wanted to be alone for a while, he decided.

He decided that he will drive baby as far as he could, as long as he could.

***

There were sunsets in Heaven, he realised after driving for what seems like hours. Hours? Minutes? Time passed differently here. It was…fluid.

His thoughts had settled for now, and he got out of the Impala to watch the sunset. He was near a beautiful lake, it looked like one of those places out of postcards. He sat on a bench near the glistening water. It was beautiful. He stopped to take it all in. He realised he had missed the simple, beautiful things on Earth, stuff like the sun setting in golden rays on a beautiful lake.

He stayed like this for a moment, gazing at the skies turning into hues of yellow, warm orange and pink. He thanked Jack silently for this moment of peace. If only Ca…

Suddenly he stopped thinking.

He heard something he had not heard in a very long time. Feathers. Wings rustling. And he saw him. Standing close to the water ledge. In his damn trench coat. Just a shadow in the sunset. Still, he would have recognized him anywhere.

He turned to face him.

“Hello Dean.” He simply said.

And Dean wanted to run and hug him, revel into seeing him again. But he was stuck in wonder and awe. All he could master was “Cas…” just loud enough that he could hear himself say it. Softly, like a whisper. Cas had heard him of course.

“I see you have found my lake” Cas said.

“ _Your_ lake? You made this?” Dean said, dumbstruck. Cas was a fucking artist.

“Yes. I made it from memory.” He replied and sat on the bench next to him, glancing at Dean.

And Dean looked again. Really looked. And then it hit him. He was _his_ lake, from _his_ dream. The one Castiel visited so many years ago. It was too much for him. He looked at Cas.

“I need…Cas. I need to tell you…” he struggled, fiddling with his hands, shaking his head. 

“I don’t need anything Dean. I am at peace now. That’s alri…” Cas had begun to say but Dean cut him.

“I’m not. I’m not at peace.” He said, gazing into the angel’s eyes. “This is important. You listen to me now or I don’t know if I’ll ever get the courage to say it again.” He pleaded.

Cas fell silent, looking at Dean with the bluest eyes, patiently. And Dean continued:

“I’m sorry. I should have said something. I shouldn’t have let you die like that. I should have gone with you, I’m sorry I didn’t fight…” Dean blurted out, tears forming in his eyes. He was not going to fight them this time.

“Dean…” Cas said softly, laying a hand on Dean’s, trying to soothe him. And Dean gripped it tight. He kept on talking. He couldn’t stop now. He didn’t want to stop.

“I never answered. And you were wrong Cas.” He said, holding Cas’ hand in his. The angel tilted his head slowly, like he always did.

“What?” Cas said, perplexed. “Dean. I know you.” He continued, still looking at him.

“Do you?” Dean asked, looking him in the eyes. “Then why did you think I didn’t feel the same? Why did you think it was enough for me _just being…_ I don’t want to just _be_ , I want to _have_ too. And I want you.” Dean finally said what had weighed on him for years now. He always pushed it back, even more in recent years. But the feeling never left, it kept on growing despite his best efforts. Tears rolled softly on his cheeks. “I want you Cas. I love you. I love you” He felt like he couldn’t stop saying it now.

Now it was Cas’ turn to be dumbstruck. He didn’t think Dean would come around to it. But he had. And he was… _so happy._ The Empty could have taken him now for all he cared. This was what true happiness felt like. Having loved and being loved.

“Dean…” He said, brushing the tears of Dean’s face with his thumb. Then he took him in his embrace, shrouding him with his angelic warmth. Dean’s face was nestled in Castiel’s shoulder and he took it all in for once. The feelings…pure and powerful. His scent, his body, his breath on his neck. And then he could not wait anymore. He held his head up to face him, holding Cas’ face in his hands, his fingers burning to feel more of him. Still, he kept them there. And he looked at him like he so often did. Sweetly, longingly, truly. But this time was different. This time he closed the gap between his lips and Cas’ with a soft kiss. And Heaven felt like _Heaven_ for the first time.

Cas kissed him back, softly at first and then fiercely, wanting more, only stopping to let Dean breathes and to look in his eyes. Green, soft, and undoubtedly… loving.

“I love you Dean” He said between two kisses, caressing the freckles on his cheek.

Dean looked at him intensely, as if awake for the first time in years.

“Will you have me now, Cas?” He asked.

***


End file.
